Frost & Found Antique Fair
Good morning to the bleary‑eyed, the overly optimistic, and the ones who accidentally made eye contact with a pigeon and now feel spiritually accountable. Another Wednesday dawns, and the city is already behaving like it drank yesterday’s coffee and today’s audacity. Our first eyebrow‑tilting tale arrives from the Frost & Found Antique Fair, where a…
Local Author Claims World’s Quietest Typewriter
MAPLEFORD — Local resident and aspiring novelist Gerald “Soft Keys” Penwarden stirred both curiosity and skepticism this weekend with the bold assertion that he has invented the quietest typewriter ever produced by human hands. The claim was made Saturday at the Mapleford Community Centre Craft Fair, moments before a crowd gathered around what appeared to…
Soup
Let us speak plainly: soup has become far too confident. Once it knew its place—an introverted liquid, content to lurk in bowls and nourish the sickly. Now it strides about restaurant menus as if it were the emperor of cuisine. “Artisan bisque,” it declares. “Wildcrafted broth,” it preens. Soup was never meant to peacock. It…
Mapleford Library Announces “Silent Disco Night,” Confuses Half the Town, Delights the Other Half
The Mapleford Public Library, long known for its rigorous stance on whisper-level discipline, surprised residents Wednesday by announcing its first-ever Silent Disco Night, scheduled for Friday in the reference section between World History and Obscure Tax Law. Organizers describe the event as “a celebration of literature, cardio, and quiet existential release,” where attendees will wear…
Town Pigeon Union Holds Press Conference, Demands “Seed Transparency” and Better Rooftop Conditions
Mapleford residents expecting an uneventful Tuesday morning instead witnessed the first-ever organized press conference by the newly formed United Pigeons of Downtown, a group of approximately 47 birds who assembled on the roof of the Mapleford Savings & Loan to issue what they called “non-negotiable demands, but like, politely.” The event began when a particularly…
