Good morning, my end‑of‑year llamas. If the city feels like it’s hovering between “reflective” and “please don’t make me have one more conversation,” that’s because we’ve entered the narrow window where everyone is pretending to be calm while quietly inventorying regrets. Let’s start with the downtown office towers, where an impressive number of workers were…
Employees at a municipal office building in Leipzig were briefly evacuated yesterday after a network printer produced a twelve-page document that no one recalled writing, requesting, or accidentally leaning on a keyboard to generate. The document, titled “Revised Agenda (Final, Final)”, emerged shortly after lunch and was discovered neatly stacked in the output tray. Staff…
I have nothing against the environment. I wish it only the best. Clean air, stable weather, the occasional bird that knows when to be quiet. What I object to—strenuously—is the assumption that I must now conduct my grocery shopping with a sack that appears to have been sewn from regret and stored in the trunk…
The town’s newest crosswalk, unveiled Tuesday morning at the intersection of Pine and Absolutely-Too-Busy-For-This, has achieved what officials are calling “a rare moment of civic balance” by confusing drivers, pedestrians, cyclists, and one mail carrier in exactly the same way. The crosswalk, painted in a bold pattern of white stripes, diagonal chevrons, and what appears…
Gather ’round, my dawn-welcoming llamas, because the city wasted no time serving up fresh nonsense before anyone had even found a matching pair of socks. First on the docket: the Maple & Mirth Holiday Market, where a local artisan debuted hand‑knitted “emotional support mittens.” Each pair ships pre‑imbued with a personality—Stoic, Overly Encouraging, or Passive‑Aggressively…
