EUROPEAN UNION TO TEST “POLITE HONKING” SYSTEM ACROSS MEMBER STATES

Acoustic engineers claim tone-adjusted car horns can lower road rage by 37 percent; critics call it “legislating manners by frequency.” BRUSSELS — The European Union announced plans this week to begin a continent-wide trial of a new “Polite Honking System,” a program requiring automakers to equip vehicles with sound-modulated horns designed to express “measured alertness”…

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Chamber of Commerce Mixer

Residents attending last night’s Chamber of Commerce mixer at the Municipal Conservatory may have noticed a slight… tension in the air. No, it wasn’t the humidity (though someone should check on that orchid near the entrance — it’s started listing dramatically to the left). Whispered reports suggest the strain originated near the refreshment table, where…

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NATION INTRODUCES “CITIZEN PAUSE DAY” TO REDUCE BURNOUT, INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY

Government urges entire population to stop all nonessential activity for 24 hours each quarter; economists call it “a risky experiment in national idleness.” OTTAWA — In a policy move described by supporters as “audaciously calm,” the federal government announced the creation of “Citizen Pause Day,” a recurring quarterly holiday during which all nonessential work, commerce,…

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EUROPEAN CITY TESTS “PEDESTRIAN BUBBLES” TO REDUCE CROWD STRESS IN TOURIST DISTRICTS

New system uses projected light circles to manage personal space and pedestrian flow, prompting both praise and confusion. BARCELONA — In an effort to ease congestion and improve the “psychological comfort” of visitors in dense public areas, Barcelona has introduced what city planners are calling “Pedestrian Bubbles,” a spatial management system that projects softly glowing…

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National Park Service Issues Advisory after Canyon Echo Begins Answering Questions

PINE RIDGE, UT — The National Park Service on Monday issued a visitor advisory after multiple hikers in Red Horseshoe Canyon reported that the natural echo in the south amphitheater began answering questions with “terse but serviceable” information about trail routes, weather windows, and, in one case, the merits of calling an estranged brother. Rangers…

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