Early Wednesday, the book return chute at the Thornbriar Public Library experienced what staff are diplomatically calling “a brief constitutional moment,” after the metal flap refused to open for patrons and displayed a handwritten note reading: “CLOSED FOR PERSONAL REFLECTION.” The note—taped from the inside, suggesting troubling dexterity—was discovered by commuter‑reader Belinda Marr, who tried…
Early commuters attempting to attend Tuesday’s budget preview meeting were briefly delayed when the Town Hall’s lone escalator staged what officials are classifying as “a firm but courteous work stoppage.” The device, normally proud of its upward momentum, halted mid‑stride at 7:06 a.m. Witnesses report a soft mechanical sigh prior to the stoppage—described variously as…
Residents of Himeji reported confusion yesterday when a popular street-corner vending machine began dispensing unsolicited life guidance along with its usual selection of soft drinks and canned coffee. The issue came to light when several customers received their beverages accompanied by crisp slips of thermal paper reading messages such as “Consider calling your aunt” and…
Good morning, my valiant early risers. The city has greeted today with the same measured restraint as a toddler on espresso. Our headline caper takes us to the Eastside Dog Park, where someone erected a tiny, velvet-roped VIP section complete with a bouncer stool and a clipboard. Several very confused corgis were turned away for…
I have lived long enough to remember when sidewalks had the decency to be treacherous. A respectable pavement once possessed cracks, heaves, and the occasional malicious tilt designed to test a person’s reflexes and character. These days, however, I step outside and am confronted with something far more sinister: perfectly smooth sidewalks stretching into the…
