Employees at a municipal office building in Leipzig were briefly evacuated yesterday after a network printer produced a twelve-page document that no one recalled writing, requesting, or accidentally leaning on a keyboard to generate.
The document, titled “Revised Agenda (Final, Final)”, emerged shortly after lunch and was discovered neatly stacked in the output tray. Staff confirmed the printer was connected, powered on, and functioning normally, but no print jobs were listed in the queue. The pages contained meeting summaries, action items, and several unresolved questions, all written in precise bureaucratic language.
Several employees noted that the document referenced departments that do exist, projects that are technically underway, and deadlines that are “uncomfortably plausible.” One line item read, “Follow up with Klaus regarding the thing we all agreed not to name,” prompting a brief but intense discussion about which Klaus this might be.
IT specialists were called to investigate. Initial findings ruled out malware, remote access, and accidental scheduling. A technician suggested the printer may have cached fragments of previous documents and assembled them into “something resembling intent,” a theory he admitted was not covered in his certification training.
The building was reopened after officials determined there was no security threat, though the document has been retained for “internal review.” Several managers reportedly plan to use portions of it in upcoming meetings, citing its “unexpected clarity.”
