Eustace Blather

Eustace Blather is a seasoned Reporter-at-Large whose calm disposition and methodical approach have made him a fixture at The Daily Llama for more than two decades. Known for his steady presence and quietly inquisitive nature, Eustace specializes in unraveling complicated stories into clear, measured accounts—occasionally with unexpected results. His reporting has taken him from council meetings to corn mazes, where his patient interviews and keen observational skills help illuminate the city’s everyday oddities. Trusted by colleagues and readers alike, Eustace brings experience, curiosity, and a steady hand to the paper’s most perplexing assignments.

Icelandic Fishing Village Temporarily Loses Internet After Puffins Steal Undersea Cable Markers

Residents of the small Icelandic village of Borgarfjörður eystri experienced a brief but bewildering internet outage yesterday when a flock of puffins removed several brightly colored surface markers associated with an undersea communications cable. The markers—lightweight, buoyant, and apparently irresistible—were discovered missing during a routine systems check. Technicians dispatched to the shoreline found the buoys…

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Here’s today’s Global News dispatch from the eternally steady Eustace Blather.

Residents of Himeji reported confusion yesterday when a popular street-corner vending machine began dispensing unsolicited life guidance along with its usual selection of soft drinks and canned coffee. The issue came to light when several customers received their beverages accompanied by crisp slips of thermal paper reading messages such as “Consider calling your aunt” and…

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Norwegian Train Halted After Goat Becomes “Unofficial Conductor”

Commuters on the Bergen–Voss morning line experienced an unexpected delay yesterday when a domesticated goat wandered aboard, ascended the steps to the driver’s compartment, and refused to relinquish its position without what officials diplomatically referred to as “a formal discussion.” Witnesses said the goat appeared “purposeful” and “professionally confident,” trotting past passengers with an air…

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Seagulls Seize Control of Cornish Ferry, Demand Snacks

A routine crossing between Penzance and St. Michael’s Mount was disrupted yesterday when an unusually coordinated flock of seagulls commandeered the upper deck in what passengers described as a “food-motivated occupation.” Witnesses reported the birds first assembled on the railings with “deliberate choreography,” then advanced toward open chip containers in a unified front. Ferry staff…

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NORDIC COALITION TO REQUIRE “QUIET HOURS” FOR GLACIERS AFTER TOURISM COMPLAINTS

Officials say restricted visiting windows could slow melt rates and reduce noise pollution from peak‑season crowds. REYKJAVIK — A coalition of Nordic governments announced Friday that several major glaciers across Iceland, Norway, and Greenland will begin observing regulated “quiet hours” next summer, limiting tourist access during periods when scientists say the ice is most acoustically…

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