In yet another triumph of bureaucracy over basic attention spans, the Fairglen Town Council unanimously approved a permit Monday night for an event no one present could recall submitting, reading, or pronouncing with confidence. The approved item—The Third Annual Spoon & Balloon Jubilee—passed without discussion, debate, or even a raised eyebrow. The problem? Fairglenners have…
MAPLEFORD — Local resident and aspiring novelist Gerald “Soft Keys” Penwarden stirred both curiosity and skepticism this weekend with the bold assertion that he has invented the quietest typewriter ever produced by human hands. The claim was made Saturday at the Mapleford Community Centre Craft Fair, moments before a crowd gathered around what appeared to…
The Mapleford Public Library, long known for its rigorous stance on whisper-level discipline, surprised residents Wednesday by announcing its first-ever Silent Disco Night, scheduled for Friday in the reference section between World History and Obscure Tax Law. Organizers describe the event as “a celebration of literature, cardio, and quiet existential release,” where attendees will wear…
Mapleford residents expecting an uneventful Tuesday morning instead witnessed the first-ever organized press conference by the newly formed United Pigeons of Downtown, a group of approximately 47 birds who assembled on the roof of the Mapleford Savings & Loan to issue what they called “non-negotiable demands, but like, politely.” The event began when a particularly…
Municipal employees expecting their usual Monday morale boost were met instead with a blinking notice taped to the Town Hall water cooler that read, in shaky ink, “I NEED TIME FOR ME.” The cooler, a 12‑year veteran of public service and the backbone of countless awkward conversations, apparently entered an unapproved sabbatical at 4:52 a.m….
