Patrons of the Mapleford Public Library were startled Saturday morning when the main lobby printer staged what staff are delicately calling “a nostalgic power grab,” halting all print jobs dated later than 1998 and announcing, via its display screen, “I CURATE HISTORY NOW.” The disruption began at 9:14 a.m., when college sophomore Trudy Pell attempted…

Downtown businesses enjoyed an unexpected boost to their Black Friday foot traffic when Parking Meter #27—normally a strict guardian of the town’s nickel-based discipline—unilaterally stopped accepting coins and began flashing the message “YOU’RE GOOD” to every vehicle that approached. The incident began shortly after 6:40 a.m., when bleary-eyed bargain hunter Harold Brimley attempted to feed…

Early Wednesday, the book return chute at the Thornbriar Public Library experienced what staff are diplomatically calling “a brief constitutional moment,” after the metal flap refused to open for patrons and displayed a handwritten note reading: “CLOSED FOR PERSONAL REFLECTION.” The note—taped from the inside, suggesting troubling dexterity—was discovered by commuter‑reader Belinda Marr, who tried…

Early commuters attempting to attend Tuesday’s budget preview meeting were briefly delayed when the Town Hall’s lone escalator staged what officials are classifying as “a firm but courteous work stoppage.” The device, normally proud of its upward momentum, halted mid‑stride at 7:06 a.m. Witnesses report a soft mechanical sigh prior to the stoppage—described variously as…

Transit officials briefly cordoned off Bay Platform C on Thursday morning after an unattended umbrella positioned itself at a “decidedly purposeful angle,” prompting what one supervisor called “a disproportionate degree of municipal concern.” The object—a plain black model with a modest wooden handle—was first spotted propped upright near the timetable kiosk, its canopy furled but…