The annual Squirrel Census, usually a straightforward tally of the town’s agile nut-hoarders, was suspended Wednesday after volunteers reported that several squirrels appeared to present themselves for counting. Officials stressed that while cooperation is appreciated, “unplanned interspecies coordination” falls outside the project’s current protocols. The Census began smoothly at dawn, with clipboard-equipped volunteers fanning out…

The ornamental fountain in Brackett Park has been shut down until further notice after witnesses reported an “unexpected increase in enthusiasm” from the central spout late Tuesday afternoon, according to Parks & Rec officials who spoke with careful diction and visibly forced smiles. The disturbance began shortly before 3 p.m., when the fountain—which typically emits…