A smooth, oblong stone discovered last Thursday on Elm Street has become the center of a swirling debate after residents reported that it “gives off a vibe,” prompting the Public Works Department to issue an official statement assuring the public that the rock is “almost certainly not alive.” The object—nicknamed Rocky Balboa until legal counsel…
In yet another triumph of bureaucracy over basic attention spans, the Fairglen Town Council unanimously approved a permit Monday night for an event no one present could recall submitting, reading, or pronouncing with confidence. The approved item—The Third Annual Spoon & Balloon Jubilee—passed without discussion, debate, or even a raised eyebrow. The problem? Fairglenners have…
Good morning to the bleary‑eyed, the overly optimistic, and the ones who accidentally made eye contact with a pigeon and now feel spiritually accountable. Another Wednesday dawns, and the city is already behaving like it drank yesterday’s coffee and today’s audacity. Our first eyebrow‑tilting tale arrives from the Frost & Found Antique Fair, where a…
MAPLEFORD — Local resident and aspiring novelist Gerald “Soft Keys” Penwarden stirred both curiosity and skepticism this weekend with the bold assertion that he has invented the quietest typewriter ever produced by human hands. The claim was made Saturday at the Mapleford Community Centre Craft Fair, moments before a crowd gathered around what appeared to…
The Mapleford Public Library, long known for its rigorous stance on whisper-level discipline, surprised residents Wednesday by announcing its first-ever Silent Disco Night, scheduled for Friday in the reference section between World History and Obscure Tax Law. Organizers describe the event as “a celebration of literature, cardio, and quiet existential release,” where attendees will wear…
