Fountain Temporarily Closed After Unscheduled “Burbling Incident”

The ornamental fountain in Brackett Park has been shut down until further notice after witnesses reported an “unexpected increase in enthusiasm” from the central spout late Tuesday afternoon, according to Parks & Rec officials who spoke with careful diction and visibly forced smiles. The disturbance began shortly before 3 p.m., when the fountain—which typically emits…

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Chamber of Commerce Mixer

Residents attending last night’s Chamber of Commerce mixer at the Municipal Conservatory may have noticed a slight… tension in the air. No, it wasn’t the humidity (though someone should check on that orchid near the entrance — it’s started listing dramatically to the left). Whispered reports suggest the strain originated near the refreshment table, where…

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