Residents attending last night’s Chamber of Commerce mixer at the Municipal Conservatory may have noticed a slight… tension in the air. No, it wasn’t the humidity (though someone should check on that orchid near the entrance — it’s started listing dramatically to the left). Whispered reports suggest the strain originated near the refreshment table, where Deputy Mayor Linton Hargrave was spotted loading an impressive number of miniature quiches onto his plate while maintaining conspicuous eye contact with Planning Commissioner Etta Rowbuckle.
Rowbuckle, for her part, appeared deeply engrossed in conversation with contractor Milo Finch, who insists they were merely discussing “roof pitch ratios” even as he repeatedly dropped his napkin, each time retrieving it with the urgency of someone rescuing a stranded pet. Hargrave’s quiche collection paused mid-air only once — notably when Etta laughed a little too brightly at one of Finch’s remarks. (This reporter did not hear the joke, but judging by Finch’s previous attempts at humor, it likely involved gutters.)
By dessert, the trio had split in three different directions: Finch to the koi pond, Hargrave to the succulent garden (a symbolic choice, perhaps), and Rowbuckle to the coat room, where she spent a suspiciously long time “looking for her other glove.” Observers reported she arrived wearing both gloves.
Let the record show: I am drawing no conclusions. I am merely observing patterns — the way any responsible gardner might notice when a few particularly lively vines begin quietly twining together. Of course, in politics, as in horticulture, one must prune carefully.
For now, dear readers, consider this a gentle nudge to keep your eyes open the next time you’re at a public event. Sometimes the real story isn’t in the speeches… it’s in the quiches.
