Good morning, my end‑of‑year llamas. If the city feels like it’s hovering between “reflective” and “please don’t make me have one more conversation,” that’s because we’ve entered the narrow window where everyone is pretending to be calm while quietly inventorying regrets.
Let’s start with the downtown office towers, where an impressive number of workers were spotted “working remotely” from cafés that are very much not remote. Sources confirm laptops were open, emails were sent, and absolutely nothing of consequence occurred. One individual reportedly attended three meetings while holding the same cup of coffee, which by any metric counts as performance art.
In culinary news, several households attempted ambitious year‑end recipes clearly chosen during moments of optimism. The phrase “It looked simpler online” echoed across kitchens citywide. Fire alarms were triggered. Apologies were made. One family quietly ordered pizza and referred to it as a “pivot.”
The social scene, meanwhile, is thick with what can only be described as selective accountability. People are making grand declarations about “next year” while refusing to acknowledge anything that happened after September. This includes unresolved arguments, borrowed items, and that one group chat everyone is pretending muted itself.
At the library, a low‑grade scandal unfolded when a patron attempted to “return” a book by leaving it on a windowsill near the entrance. Staff were unimpressed. The book was damp. The apology was theoretical.
And finally, a note on resolutions: gym employees report a noticeable uptick in inquiries phrased as, “So how intense is this, really?” followed by a long pause and a thoughtful nod that suggests nothing further will be done until at least mid‑February. Tradition is important.
That’s all for now. Take a breath, drink some water, and remember: the calendar changing does not erase your history, but it does give you a socially acceptable reason to reorganize a drawer and feel accomplished.
