Employees at a municipal office building in Leipzig were briefly evacuated yesterday after a network printer produced a twelve-page document that no one recalled writing, requesting, or accidentally leaning on a keyboard to generate. The document, titled “Revised Agenda (Final, Final)”, emerged shortly after lunch and was discovered neatly stacked in the output tray. Staff…
I have nothing against the environment. I wish it only the best. Clean air, stable weather, the occasional bird that knows when to be quiet. What I object to—strenuously—is the assumption that I must now conduct my grocery shopping with a sack that appears to have been sewn from regret and stored in the trunk…
The town’s newest crosswalk, unveiled Tuesday morning at the intersection of Pine and Absolutely-Too-Busy-For-This, has achieved what officials are calling “a rare moment of civic balance” by confusing drivers, pedestrians, cyclists, and one mail carrier in exactly the same way. The crosswalk, painted in a bold pattern of white stripes, diagonal chevrons, and what appears…
Gather ’round, my dawn-welcoming llamas, because the city wasted no time serving up fresh nonsense before anyone had even found a matching pair of socks. First on the docket: the Maple & Mirth Holiday Market, where a local artisan debuted hand‑knitted “emotional support mittens.” Each pair ships pre‑imbued with a personality—Stoic, Overly Encouraging, or Passive‑Aggressively…
A smooth, oblong stone discovered last Thursday on Elm Street has become the center of a swirling debate after residents reported that it “gives off a vibe,” prompting the Public Works Department to issue an official statement assuring the public that the rock is “almost certainly not alive.” The object—nicknamed Rocky Balboa until legal counsel…
